My message today is a tribute to my late wife, Helen Titilayo Okoye. In our text, the bible admonishes us thus, “ Look here, you people who say, “Today or tomorrow we are going to such and such a town, stay there a year, and open up a profitable business.” How do you know what is going to happen tomorrow? For the length of your lives is as uncertain as the morning fog—now you see it; soon it is gone. What you ought to say is, “If the Lord wants us to, we shall live and do this or that.” Otherwise you will be bragging about your own plans, and such self-confidence never pleases God. Remember, too, that knowing what is right to do and then not doing it is sin” [James 4:13-17LB].
Usually, in times of adversity, we come to a point where we are compelled to re-examine our priorities. Often, when everything is going our way, we tend to forget and think that life is what it is not. However, when we face crisis, we suddenly come to terms with reality that helps us understand the true meaning of life. I believe that is one of the reasons why Solomon said in the book of Ecclesiastes 7:1-4 that, “A good reputation is more valuable than the most expensive perfume. The day one dies is better than the day he is born! It is better to spend your time at funerals than at festivals. For you are going to die, and it is a good thing to think about it while there is still time. Sorrow is better than laughter, for sadness has a refining influence on us. Yes, a wise man thinks much of death, while the fool thinks only of having a good time now” [LTB].
With the death of my wife, I was again brought to the realities of life. I had once experienced such when my eldest daughter died but not to this extent. And all of a sudden, all the things you think are important; loose their meaning and relevance. You look at things like clothes, shoes, properties, etc.; all these staring you in the face. Any body can use it or do anything with it now; the person is no longer there to struggle with you or fight with you. No wonder the spirit of God said, that is how it will be when we die. The reality is, the moment you close your eyes in death, that’s the end of all the things you are running up and down for while stepping on other people’s toes, lying, cheating and doing all manner of untoward things. So, when I see people foolishly doing all manner of questionable things, violating their conscience because of what they stand to gain in the immediate; it breaks my heart. It is sad that people are still suffering in our nation; reputed to be one of the most endowed nations on earth by God. With the resources we have in this country, nobody is supposed to be struggling the way we are now. However, we are in this situation now because we have people, whose sense of value is distorted because they think life is what it is not.
If anybody had told my wife that she would not be present in this church service today, she would not have believed it. Looking back, we had talked about the things we would do then and even that of next year. So, sometimes when we brag, we say it is faith. Note, it’s not wrong to make projections and have long and short term plans. However, one should always have it at the back of ones mind that, these could only be if God permits.
The scripture says that we are supposed to live three scores and ten which is seventy years. Some say, that is the minimum we are given to live which sounds nice but who would not like to live up to seventy years? The truth is, God is sovereign and He alone decides how long we live on earth. Therefore, even if you believe that you will live a hundred years, live each day as though it is your last because you never can tell, it just could be. The bible says in Palm 39:4-7, “4Lord, remind me how brief my time on earth will be. Remind me that my days are numbered— how fleeting my life is. You have made my life no longer than the width of my hand. My entire lifetime is just a moment to you… ” [NLT]. Again,Psalm 90:12 has this to say, “Teach us to number our days and recognize how few they are; help us to spend them as we should” [LB].
Someone once said; ‘’We usually number our days in years instead of days because we celebrate our birthdays on a yearly basis. But the bible did command us to number our years, rather our days.’’ It will help you to be more careful in analyzing every single day of your life and live better, if you take time to number your days. Sadly, some of us do not observe this until the year we celebrate our birthday. In fact, to live a purposeful life, you ought to number your seconds and minutes. Another said, ‘’if you number your days monthly, it will make you live a good live. But if you number your life on a daily basis it will make you live like a saint’’. So the more you analyze your life more properly on a day-to-day basis, hourly basis, minute by minute and seconds by second’s basis, it makes you live a better life. In other words, if you want to live a full life, a life you will not regret at the end of the it all, you have to live your life on values that last.
The need to build our lives on lasting values
When we speak of values what do we mean? Your values are your core beliefs that shape everything you do in life. Your beliefs determine your behavior and your behavior determines what you become. So, the kind of person you are is based on the things you have chosen to value. In other words, your convictions in life determine your conduct and your conduct determines your character. If you want to build a lasting life of success and significance, you must build it on lasting values.
Luke 12:13-21 [The Living Bible] has this to say, “Then someone called from the crowd, “Sir, please tell my brother to divide my father’s estate with me.” But Jesus replied, “Man, who made me a judge over you to decide such things as that? Beware! Don’t always be wishing for what you don’t have. For real life and real living are not related to how rich we are. “Then he gave an illustration: “A rich man had a fertile farm that produced fine crops. In fact, his barns were full to overflowing—he couldn’t get everything in… “Friend, you have enough stored away for years to come. Now take it easy! Wine, women, and song for you! “But God said to him, ‘Fool! Tonight you die. Then who will get it all?’ “Yes, every man is a fool who gets rich on earth but not in heaven.”
In one of my booklets entitled “Discovering What is really Important in Life”, I wrote about king Solomon who experienced wealth, power, honor, fame, and sensual pleasure, all in great abundance, in fact, he saw earthly life as its best, yet they add up in the end to emptiness and disillusionment. Solomon’s primary purpose of writing the book of Ecclesiastics may have been to share his regrets and first hand testimony with others before he died, so they will not make the same mistakes he made. Solomon established forever the utter futility of basing one’s values in life to earthly possessions and personal ambition.
It is my conviction that the single most important factor responsible for one’s miseries, emptiness and shadow chasing either as individuals, the church or as a nation is our distorted sense of values and misplaced priorities. We must learn to put the values of the mind and spirit before all else. Any individual or nation that places more emphasis on materialism is toying with disaster. As Daniel Webster puts it, “if we work upon marbles, it will perish, if we work upon brass, time will efface it. If we rear temples, they will crumble to dust. But if we work upon men’s immortal mind; if we imbue them with high principles, with the just fear of God and the love of their fellow men, we engrave on those tablets something which no time can efface and which will brighten to all eternity”.
How will you be remembered after you die?
Proverbs 10:7 says, “We all have happy memories of good men gone to their reward, but the names of wicked men stink after them” [LB].How will you be remembered? We know of some people who after they died, the entire nation went into jubilation because they were a pain in the neck. There are also people who die, and people mourn for a long time.
Now, let me share with you the things my dear wife will be remembered for:
[1]. She was a passionate worshiper of God:
The book of John 4:19-24 says, “When a Samaritan woman came to draw water, Jesus said to her, “Will you give me a drink?” 8 (His disciples had gone into the town to buy food. The Samaritan woman said to him, “You are a Jew and I am a Samaritan woman. How can you ask me for a drink?” (For Jews do not associate with Samaritans. Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water.” “Sir,” the woman said, “you have nothing to draw with and the well is deep. Where can you get this living water? Are you greater than our father Jacob, who gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did also his sons and his livestock?” Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” The woman said to him, “Sir, give me this water so that I won’t get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water…” “I can see that you are a prophet. 20 Our ancestors worshiped on this mountain, but you Jews claim that the place where we must worship is in Jerusalem.” “Woman,” Jesus replied, “believe me, a time is coming when you will worship the Father neither on this mountain nor in Jerusalem… Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in the Spirit and in truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks…”
My wife was a worshiper to the core. We should emulate this attitude from her. She worshipped God with all her heart. Sometimes, when we went to high profile meetings, I am embarrassed at how she would lay on the floor with her beautiful clothes in worship. And when I confront her, she would always refer me to the book of 2 Samuel: 6:14, 23 where the bible said “14 And David danced before the Lord with all his might, wearing a priestly garment’’[TLB]. In verse 23, the bible recorded that Michal was barren all her life because she mocked David for dancing the way he did. Consequently, I want to propose that 2nd day of May should be institutionalized in ACFM as a day of special worship to the glory of God. This will help deepen our understanding of worship. Coincidentally, she died on a Thursday, which happens to be the day of our “Morning Dew’’ and “Help from Above” programs, she was so passionately committed to. [See also Psalms 22: 3; 100: 1 – 5].
[2]. She was totally sold out to God:
Mummy was zealous and longed for God’s power in her life, her ministry and ACFM. She passionately desired the advancement of the kingdom and lived for it.
“After the wedding he went to Capernaum for a few days with his mother, his brothers, and his disciples. It was nearly time for the Jewish Passover celebration, so Jesus went to Jerusalem. In the Temple area he saw merchants selling cattle, sheep, and doves for sacrifices; he also saw dealers at tables exchanging foreign money. Jesus made a whip from some ropes and chased them all out of the Temple… “ Then his disciples remembered this prophecy from the Scriptures: “Passion for God’s house will consume me” [John 2:12-17 TLB]. Just like the scripture above, the zeal for the house of God and the glory of God ate her up. And you know that God is a God of passion. He passionately loves something and passionately hates.
This is why Revelation3: 14-19 warms that, if you are neither hot nor cold, He will spit you from His mouth. If there is anything that we can learn from her, it should be her passion. She put in her all-in service of God and humanity. She wanted the church to be a power pack house with anointing of God so that our preaching will not just be enticing words of man’s wisdom but a ministration by the power of the Holy Spirit. Psalm 42:1-3; 63: 1-8, 1Corinthians 2:1- 5, Matthew 17: 14 – 21, Romans 12: 10 – 11 were some of the scriptures she treasured. These are the things we must commit ourselves to pursue in her honor.
[3]. She was a prayer warrior:
In fact, she was a praying machine. She almost drove me crazy with her ceaseless attempt to force everyone to cultivate the attitude to praying like her. I constantly reminded her that that was the grace of God upon her life; to be able to pray the way she did. This is one of the things that move me to tears when I think about her. She stood by me in prayer. There is a testimony she was fond of sharing about one of the head of witches in Gboko, Benue State, who approached Rev. Tsee’s wife and told her that, she had succeeded in messing up all other ministers in Gboko but whenever she came to attack me, she found my wife shielding me. After my wife heard the confession, she intensified her prayers for me.
“One day Jesus told his disciples a story to show that they should always pray and never give up. “There was a judge in a certain city,” he said, “who neither feared God nor cared about people. A widow of that city came to him repeatedly, saying, ‘Give me justice in this dispute with my enemy.’ The judge ignored her for a while, but finally he said to himself, ‘I don’t fear God or care about people, but this woman is driving me crazy. I’m going to see that she gets justice’… So don’t you think God will surely give justice to his chosen people who cry out to him day and night? … [Luke 18: 1 – 8 TLB].
Jesus said this to illustrate the need to pray. That was mummy’s passion. God wants us to develop a vibrant prayer life. I have said it before that; God’s will for us is to be blessed. There are lots of things that Christ death on the cross has made available for us. But we cannot enjoy it if we are not mature in spirit. Just like the bible says in Galatians that, although a child had the right to everything his father has provided for him; but he cannot enjoy them until he matures. So, unless we become strong in faith, prayer, and in the word of God; we will never have access to the will of God in our life. Because there is a devil out there doing everything to frustrate God’s divine plan and purpose for our lives. So, it’s a challenge that we all should embrace; to stand up and rise to our full potentials and see that God’s total plan and purpose for our lives is actualized.
[4]. She was a passionate soul winner:
She was a passionate evangelist who went out to the streets with her prayer team three times a week for soul wining. They did not just fast and pray; she made sure soul winning was core to the ministry. Mummy had always said that, the only revelation she has had confirming the call of God on her life, was an audible voice she heard which was like a raging sea; telling her to go into the world and preach the gospel. And ever since, she has been passionately committed to soul winning. It’s my prayer that we sustain this ministry because that is a ministry nearest to God’s heart. The reason why God still retain us here on earth after we have been saved is because He has an assignment for us; which is for us to bring men and women to the saving knowledge of Christ. He wants to use us to impact the world positively because we are the salt of and light of the world. [Mark 16: 15 – 20 KJV].
[5]. She was an extravagant giver:
Mummy called herself an extravagant giver because she derived joy in giving. This is to the kind of person she was. She did all kinds of things (industrious) looking for businesses so she could make ends meet. With all her labor, she had almost an empty bank account because everything she had was channeled into the work of God. She cared for the downtrodden. She never joked with paying of tithes. She ensured our children and I did not default in paying our tithes as well. Even when she watches a church program on television, she would observe the offering time as well. And then bring it to church. [John 12: 28 KJV]
[6]. She was caring:
The book of James 1:27 says, “ Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, to visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world.” This was the kind of people she spent her life living for. The key message in Isaiah 5:10-12 says, feed the hungry, help those in trouble, then your light will shine forth in darkness. Why am I sharing this? Is it to glorify her? No. She is no longer here. The essence is to challenge us to embrace those values for our own good and blessings. We heard the testimonies during the service of songs. One of the testimonies we heard was from Ihezie’s son who testified of how mummy was a huge support when his mother had cancer. Mummy took his mother into our home, so she could take good care of her since she did not have enough care because her children were away in school. When the ailment became serious and she needed to go to the hospital, she went with her and spent hours praying. That was her level of commitment, not just to Mrs. Ihezie but also to everyone who needed assistance.
An incident happened, when she was alive. While she was struggling in pain with cancer, she got a call from our dear sister Omoyemi from the hospital. Sister Omoyemi urged her to call on the name of her God to save her. Mummy ignored her own pain, struggled to counsel, and pray with the sister. Afterwards, she insisted I bought the same drugs I intended buying for her for the sister as well. This was a product that was recommended for her that was supposed to be imported from U.S that cost N300, 000 [three hundred thousand Naira] and so I did. A few days after mummy’s death, she visited our Sister Akpan Roberts in a dream and told her to reach out to a member who was in need and even gave her the person’s number in the dream. Sister Akpan Roberts got the first three digits of the number before she suddenly woke up from her dream. Hours later, I called our sister to make enquiries on a different matter and she narrated the dream she had to me. I told her I know the person she’s referring to and I proceeded to give her the number. As I called out the first three digits, Sister Akpan let out a subdued scream and confirmed that that was the number. And she did the needful. Have you heard of someone who even in death still showed concern, asking for help for someone in need? That was the kind of life she lived. [Luke 9:48]
[7] She was simple:
She was down to earth, contended, humble and not class conscious. (1Corinthians 4: 7) She treasured this scripture so much while she was alive. She identified with everyone not minding class differences. She considered herself as “a nobody” and that God made her who she was. She would always warn me not to look down on anybody because we are all equal before God. Rev. Mrs. Hope (John Praise’s wife) confirmed in her testimony that the issue they usually had with her during their women’s ministers’ gathering was that she would always invite the “nobodies” to the high table in the midst of notable women. The bible says that although God is so high, He does not look down on anyone. This is the kind of attitude God wants us to imbibe. We should not think that we are “local almighty” and become snobbish, looking down on people. We are nothing but for the grace of God. Therefore, we have no right to look down on anybody. We have to treat people with dignity.
[8] She was very sincere, honest and straightforward:
She was not into playing religious politics. If she weren’t for you, she would tell you bluntly. [2Corinthians 2:17, 2Corinthians 4:1-2,5, John 1: 44 – 49] Today, it is very rare to find people who are honest, even amongst minister of God. We have become more political than the politicians. So, you are with brothers and sisters but you don’t know where they stand in any issue; they are neither here nor there. One thing we should emulate from her life is her honesty to the core, no cutting of corners.
[9]. She was very hard working:
[Acts 20:33-35, 2Thessalonians 2: 6-12, Proverbs 6:6-11]. These scripture emphasizes the need for hard work. One of the reasons there is a lot of scandal in the church today especially among Christians and ministers, is because they want to live at the expense of other people. They don’t want to work; especially those who are privileged to be in the positions they are. They want to exploit their members. Therefore, they preach deceitful sermons and come up with all manner of giving, giving it different tittles just to drain people’s pocket dry. Nevertheless, in All Christians Fellowship Mission, it is not our practice; we would rather go to work like Paul. For instance, my wife was very industrious; she did all kinds of business like restaurateur, poultry that was not meant for sale and other side activities. The interesting thing is the essence of these activities, which was to use the proceeds to assist people. She worked so hard in order not to be dependent on people. It is my prayer that God should help us to imbibe the lifestyle of hard work.
A lot of us believe in miracles. True God is a God of miracle; but He does not want His children to live on miracle every day of their lives because miracles don’t happen every day. Now what is miracle? Miracle is God suspending the normal course of nature in order to make certain things happen. God has put laws in nature that he wants to function. You want him to interrupt nature every day for your sake? That means such a person is irresponsible. He only needs to interrupt that natural law when it becomes necessary. Therefore, God wants us to live by the laws of nature not by miracles every day. Am I against miracle? No! While the children of Israel were on their way to the Promised Land and there was no way of helping themselves, Manna was falling. However, the very day they got to the Promised Land, Manna ceased because God wanted them to start farming to take care of themselves. So, You have to live life the way God has designed it to be in order to receive His blessings.
[10]. She did not organize anything around herself:
I did not discover this until she died. She literally removed herself from everything she spearheaded. She appointed different people for leadership positions but excluded herself. For instance, she appointed someone she called the President to lead the prayer ministry. What then was her position as a leader of that ministry if there was a president? She was without tittle. After her death, I learned she planned asking me to transfer the pastor whom they choose as the President to the local church here, so he could coordinate the affairs of the prayer ministry. I also found some notes in her bible where she wrote down the names of people who would be leading several programs of the ministry in the upcoming months. Everything she did, she organized them outside herself. Now she is dead; the prayer ministry is still running as if nothing has happened. Even in our home, she had trained our children on how to manage the home. According to one of my daughters, she told them she would not be here forever. Truly, our home is running smoothly even after her death. This is because everything she organized, she removed herself from it. She organized things in a way that it did not revolve around her. I was shocked to know that someone was in charge of even the chickens she was rearing. She made sure she carried everybody along.
Sadly, some of us make ourselves indispensable because we want to be “local almighty”. The people around us who are rising threaten us. And if anything happens to us then everything dies. The bible in 2Timothy 2:2, enjoins us thus, “ And the things that thou hast heard of me among many witnesses, the same commit thou to faithful men, who shall be able to teach others also’’ [KJV]. We ought to ask ourselves who would take charge of the position we are occupying now when we are not there tomorrow. Many good things you do will not survive your absence. You think it is a good thing that in your absence nothing works? It is not normal. It doesn’t make you a good leader. A good leader knows that he would not be there forever, so he searches for people who have gifts and passion in that field and groom them. By so doing, whether the person is there or not the legacy continues. God rewards such persons.
[11]. She took her relationship with God very seriously and did her best to be her best:
When I walk past her prayer room every morning, I remember that by that time she would have been there praying. Sometimes I wondered when she had had the time to sleep because she was always communing with God in prayer and fasting. She once even developed ulcer as a result her ceaseless fasting. 1Tiimothy 4: 9-16, 1Corinthians 9: 24 – 27, Mark 1: 35, Matthew 5: 6, Philippians 3:10 – 14, Daniel 11:32
12. She was an excellent wife and mother:
Peter 3:1 – 2, Proverbs 31: 1 – 33
When my wife passed on I said to myself I don’t know if I will ever remarry because I don’t want someone who would remind me of her. My wife totally forgot about herself and focused on me. Anything that concerns me or I believe in, she pushed for it and made it happen at the expense of her own self. She denied herself of her own rights all for me. The published tribute in the brochure was a card I gave her on her 63rd birthday and am glad she read it before she died. She was very conscious of the food I ate because she was so concerned about by health. She was responsible for the purchase of my clothing. It’s difficult to forget a woman like that who poured out her life, denying herself of everything just to help me become what God has called me to be. I use to think that am very strong. People think am a very strong man. But when this happened, I cried like a baby. It’s funny how people say when you cry it shows you are not mature or a strong man. However, the shortest scripture in the bible Is, “Jesus wept.” Does it mean Jesus is not as strong as you are?
Again, mummy sacrificed her entire life for our children. She was always there to intercede and plead on their behalf. More so, she said that even when she dies her spirit would still be praying for her children. Today is our midyear thanksgiving; it has been a very challenging year for us. Like I said earlier, my wife is not perfect but she did her best to live an honorable life. I enjoin us therefore, whatever it is we have faced this year; we still have a lot to thank God for. Just like the hymn writer wrote, “Count your blessings and name them one by one; and it will surprise you what the lord has done.”